Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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