I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
