In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
