They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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