Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
