Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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