I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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