i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
