direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I forget how to act sober
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
