i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
