whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
