i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
