If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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