fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
