I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
