I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
third nipple confirmed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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