my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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