Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
