Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
