I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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