Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
