Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
