I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Did I show you my penis last night?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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