Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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