he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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