I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
