I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
