I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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