I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
