I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
