Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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