Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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