evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
