I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
