when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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