Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
