I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
