i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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