Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
