dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
