He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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