What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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