Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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