I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
