420 ftw
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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