Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
