i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
