So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
