Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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