like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
3 2 1 whiskey
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
