I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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