Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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