I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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