dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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