It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
