she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
