Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
