you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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